


you're riding with me tonight

by freezerjerky



Series: lead me back to you [1]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: (it's weed), Alternate Professions, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, First Meetings, M/M, Pre-Canon, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:42:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freezerjerky/pseuds/freezerjerky
Summary: Newt has been driving for Lyft for a grand total of thirty six hours and thirty five minutes when he first sees the man he’s certain he’s going to marry.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The AU where everything is the same except young Newt drives Lyft and Hermann spends an academic year in Boston doing research...so naturally everything is very different.
> 
> Please not that I have never driven for Lyft or any rideshares- the characters and myself are all aware that you cannot take someone along with you on rides. I'm also aware that there are some pretty awful Lyft drivers out there (drivingwise) still getting 5 star reviews! 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @ [pendragoff](http://pendragoff.tumblr.com) and at Twitter @ [newtguzzler](http://twitter.com/newtguzzler)

_ August 9, 2013 _

Newt has been driving for Lyft for a grand total of thirty six hours and thirty five minutes when he first sees the man he’s certain he’s going to marry. That thought fades away fairly quickly when he’s met with a scowl at Logan Airport, but it still sticks in the back of his mind when he eyes up the very cute stranger. (Even if the cute stranger is dressed a bit like a hipster who takes the concept of dressing like a grandfather a bit too literally. If Newt’s honest with himself, he’s sort of into that look.) The stranger should be grateful that he’s agreed to pick him up at the airport, given that it’s against Lyft policy to do so. He very graciously helps hoist a large suitcase into the back of his car and even makes sure his passenger is safely buckled before he drives off.

“So,” Newt begins, scanning his eyes over to the app for his rider’s name, “Hermann. Where did you fly in from?”

It’s a bit confusing what the protocol on talking to passengers is, but Newt knows from his own experience with riding in cabs that he enjoys a nice chat to break up the silence. Judging by the daggers being glared at him from his backseat, he’s not so sure this Hermann feels the same.

“Berlin,” is the clipped answer. This Hermann has an accent that isn’t quite English, but is definitely trying to be.

“Ooh, nice,” Newt replies. “I’m from there originally myself. Were you living there or just on holiday?” He glances at Hermann in the mirror. 

“I used to study there,” Hermann answers, pointedly looking out of the window.

“Are you British?” 

“German. Though I have the distinct pleasure of not being a native Berliner.”

“Ouch.” Newt is not really offended, he’s heard a full spectrum of opinions on the cities he’s lived in. Besides, you have to get used to the insults living in Boston. “And what are you here for?”

“Research.” Hermann pulls out his phone, and Newt can tell that he’s pretending to scroll for the sake of being distracted from talking to the driver. Still, Newt can’t resist.

“Nice! I’m a student myself. Well, PhD student, so I’m also teaching at the moment. As you can see, that’s not paying very well,” he jokes. He knows full well his desire to pursue multiple degrees is the root cause of his money issue, even with the generous stipends MIT has provided him.

“Perhaps if you had chosen a more lucrative area of study,” Hermann half mumbles, but clearly says loudly enough for Newt to hear.

Something about the way Hermann rolls the “r” in lucrative sets off Newt’s desire for confrontation. And maybe his desire for something else, but he’s too busy driving to examine why the hell those two desires are intertwined.

“Hey, buddy, I’m in a very lucrative field, I will have you know.”

“And what is that? History?” Hermann shoots a challenging look, knowing full well Newt is watching him in the mirror.

“I’m a biologist, thanks very much,” he defends. “And one of the youngest people ever admitted to damn MIT. Furthermore, what the fuck is wrong with studying history?”

“Nothing’s wrong with it, it’s simply not a very promising field. Financially speaking.”

Suddenly Newt’s gripping the wheel like his life depends on it. It’s really not a good idea to fight with someone who is technically paying him to drive, but it’s taking every shred of self control to keep from shouting in anger. Instead, he fiddles with his radio, scanning through static until he lands on a station that plays the most mind numbing pop music. Newt sings along for the remainder of the ride which, thankfully, is not very long. For once in his life, Boston traffic cooperates just as he needs it to.

Nonetheless, Newt is all smiles when helping Hermann with his bags. He only tosses his carry-on a bit harder than he should, and is very satisfied to drive off leaving both the rider and his possessions in the dust. 

 

Once he’s well on his way to his next fare, Newt gives  precursory glance to the backseat of his car. Right where Hermann was grumpily sitting not even five minutes prior, he spots a brown leather wallet. He can only take a moment to stop and pull over to fetch it, tossing it into his console. The best course of action would be to text or call Hermann immediately to let him know he’s got the wallet, especially when he’s still close to his drop-off point. Instead, Newt decides to give him the chance to panic.

He finds himself caught up in a cycle of back to back rides, making it near impossible to reach out to the rider. (Or so he tells himself.) Eventually, he’s able to stop for a break and a quick snack and reach out, but it’s already getting late and he really should head back to his apartment before he ends up in the cycle of driving people from bar to bar. (That was how he’d spent about six hours of his night the previous night.)

After debating throwing the wallet into the harbor to avoid any additional complications, he shoots off a text as he sits parked on a residential street.

_ Hey this is newt i was ur lyft driver _

He puts his feet on the dashboard and waits for a response. There’s no use heading home until he’s sure that he doesn’t have to return a wallet.

**If I was aware that the drivers could bother you after the ride was completed, I would not have downloaded the application.**

_ 1st of all, who the fuck calls it an application? 2nd of all i’m not just texting u 4 fun dude _

**Then why are you texting me, precisely?**

_ U left ur wallet in my car _

**It appears you’ve left your grammar back in school.**

_ Do u want ur wallet or not??? b/c if not ur gonna get some really weird charges on ur credit card _

**What you’re implying is highly illegal.**

_ If ur at the same address, i’ll drop it off in about half an hour. If ur not, can u text me the address? _

**It’s the same address.**

_ Great. I fully expect the 1 * review u gave me to turn into at least 3 _

_ I realize anything above a 3 may be beneath u :(( _

**How do you know I gave you a low rating?**

_ Im psychic and ur a jerk :)) _

Newt takes his time finishing his snack and it’s honestly closer to an hour until he returns to the insufferable rider’s place. He blares on the horn for a very long time until Hermann appears in the doorway, wearing a near identical scowl to the one when he first saw him at the airport. Hermann moves to the car and Newt rolls down the window, holding out the wallet to him.

“Thank you, Mr-” Hermann begins, rather formally, as he takes the wallet.

“Whoa, whoa. First of all, it’s Doctor. Second of all, it’s Newt, don’t call me Doctor.”

“I find it hard to believe you’ve already got a PhD. You can’t be old enough to buy alcohol let alone-”

“Multiple PhDs, actually. And I’m twenty three. I’m a prodigy. You can get in this car, go back to my place, and I can show you all of my fancy degrees. I don’t even need to use a fake accent to prove I’m smart.”

“Nor do you need proper spelling, it seems.” Hermann opens the wallet, checking its contents to make sure everything is there and in the proper order.

“I didn’t take anything from it,” Newt defends. He had looked through the contents, however, to see if there was anything interesting or embarrassing about this infuriating man.

“Are you expecting some sort of reward or something?” Hermann asks.

“Dude, just change the review so I don’t lose my side gig days after starting it.”

“I was thinking perhaps dinner.”

Newt feels a bit like his head is about to explode, because this is definitely not what he’d expected. Either this Hermann guy is really bad at social cues, absurdly grateful for his wallet to be returned, or just asked him out on a date. After insulting him several times. And Newt? He’s so very into it, because he has a hunch Hermann is one of the only people he’s ever met who is as smart as he is.

“Great idea,” Newt says, suddenly forgetting that he’d just eaten. “Get in.” He leans over the passenger side to open the car door.

“I didn’t mean right at this moment.”

“But would you right now?”

Hermann hesitates for a few moments. Newt can almost hear the stranger danger conversation he’s likely having in his head, but Hermann still slides into the passenger seat anyway. They sit in awkward silence when contemplating what the hell has just happened. It’s surprisingly Hermann who speaks first.

“Is your name really Newt?”

“Psh, I wish. It’s Newton, which I think belongs to an old man. Something I’m sure you know about, right?”

“And what is that supposed to mean,  _ Newton _ ?” Hermann’s tone is challenging, teetering the edge of teasing and offended.

“Hermann is an old man’s name.”

He starts the car but doesn’t drive yet. If Hermann wants to leave, he’s more than free to. He does not leave.

 

How Newt ends up shirtless in the backseat of his car, after the worst first date of his known life, will forever remain a mystery to him. He insulted Hermann at least three times on the drive to the restaurant, then spilled his beer all over him once they managed to finally find a place to eat. He followed this up with some rather untoward comments about the condom he saw in Hermann’s  wallet, only confirming that he had, in fact, snooped through the wallet. Perhaps he should give credit to his current situation to the fact that he made the comment about the condom in the first place.

Hermann, despite his rather cold demeanor, is a very passionate kisser and is very eager to leave a series of small marks down Newt’s neck. They’re parked outside of Hermann’s apartment and Newt agreed to go to the back of the car solely because he had assumed this would only be kissing. It still is only kissing, but he’s really, really hoping that’s not the case now.

“Dude,” he manages to say between needy pants, “dude. Someone could see us.”

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right.” Hermann’s head pops up for a moment. He’s got one of his hands slid into Newt’s jeans, cupping his bum and it’s really just not a comfortable position all around. At first the reaction seems sexy, nonchalant, but then Newt sees the panicked expression pass over Hermann’s face and in a moment they’re disentangled. “Someone could see.”

Newt suddenly feels bereft of the presence of another warm body on his body, and he regrets even pointing out just how public their chosen location is. 

“We could go somewhere else?” Newt suggests, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe somewhere with a bed?”

“I only have a bare mattress on the floor at the moment.”

It takes Newt only a moment to mull it over. Chalk it up to relative sexual inexperience, or just eagerness, but he suddenly doesn’t care where it’s happening, so long as they both want it to happen.

“We could drive to my place, but I’ve only got a twin sized bed.”

Hermann sighs and Newt is fairly certain that it’s one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen. He really has to do something to stop himself from getting attached to someone he’s not likely to ever see again.

 

Mornings after are always painfully awkward occasions, Newt thinks dimly. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to leave without a word or to strike up a conversation in hopes of reviving the desires from the previous night. He certainly knows which he’d prefer, but he suspects that Hermann might feel differently. Hermann is still sleeping for the time being, though, so he can enjoy watching the rise and fall of his chest and the way his cowlicks stand up from his head making a charming picture of a hopefully well rested man.

Newt sits up, surveying the mostly empty room to figure out the whereabouts of his clothing. Most of them, thankfully, are in a pile not too far from the mattress, but he does remember tossing his socks and boxers to the far flung corners of the apartment last night. Hermann shifts beside him, sitting up more slowly.

“You’re still here,” Hermann states, sounding neither disappointed nor pleased.

“I just woke up,” he explains. “I’ll be out of your hair in no time, no worries.”

“You can stay longer. I’ve no other plans for today, besides unpacking.” Hermann gestures to a few boxes in the corner of the room. Newt wonders if he had them sent ahead of his arrival.

“I wouldn’t want to be in your way.” 

Hermann eyes him pointedly and the look is one of Hermann’s middling responses (Newt is getting too used to this already), this one wavers somewhere between lust and judgement.

“Listen,” Newt continues, “about last night. That was really fantastic. I mean, four times? Amazing. But I’m not going to be offended if you tell me that was a one time thing, either.”

“I don’t see why it has to be a one time thing,” Hermann answers seriously, as if Newt should know this already. Newt still suspects he’s not being completely honest.

“Good I- I guess I don’t either.” Most of Newt’s encounters have very pointedly been one time things, mostly because he’s always feared he’d prove to be too much for most people to give them a chance. Hermann, he suspects, is someone who can handle all of Newt. “So is this gonna be a regularly standing sex thing, then?”

“I had assumed by the nature of our evening, we would be dating. If this were to continue.”

“I spilled an entire beer on you,” Newt explains. “How could you get that you want to see me again out of that?”

“If you recall, I didn’t kiss you until well after the beer had been spilled.”

Newt has been operating under the assumption that the desire to date someone and to sleep with them operate on different planes. Or maybe he hasn’t been allowing himself to associate with people who actually want to date him in order to find the people who are willing to sleep with him. Either way, his whole understanding of interpersonal relationships is expanding in a whole new way.

As much as he loves the idea of staying in bed, Newt stands and moves to fetch his clothes from the pile on the floor. He extracts his phone from his jeans pocket, frowning at both the time (nearly 3pm) and low battery.

“Hey, Hermann,” he begins, “do you have a phone charger I can borrow?” His eyes are glued to his phone as he scrolls. “Holy- holy fuck. Dude!”

He rushes back over to the mattress, nearly shoving the phone into Hermann’s face. Hermann squints at the screen, but Newt doesn’t have time for him to read anything.

“What the hell is happening in San Francisco?” Newt asks, and he’s instantly ashamed by the tone of excitement in his voice.

“This is impossible, Newton. You must be reading some sort of...practical joke. This is not possible at all.”

Hermann’s response is probably the logical one. Definitely the logical one. But Newt knows and believes instantly in what he sees and if Hermann wants to come along for that ride, he might as well be exposed to the truth as soon as possible.

 

Wrapped up in ongoing and impending tragedy, Newt does not leave Hermann’s apartment for several days. Hermann comes in and out of the apartment several times with new things for the space, each time receiving a news update on what’s occurred.

“Newton,” Hermann says, after day two of Newt sitting on his mattress most of the day, “as much as I am enjoying your company, I do have other matters to attend to.”

“Dude,” Newt declares. “How can you do anything when this is happening?”

“Watching the news by the moment is not going to change the news.” Hermann settles down on the mattress behind Newt. “I don’t think you could do much about a giant...monster creature anyway.”

“Kaiju,” Newt supplies. “That’s the word for this type of monster. You know, like Godzilla.”

“I doubt they’ll go around calling this a kaiju.” 

Hermann rests his chin on Newt’s shoulder. Being shut up in the apartment for several days has certainly pushed their relationship along faster than expected. As interested as he is in the news, in fact, the only thing that’s been able to distract Newt is the prospect of romantic entanglements.

“I’m sorry. I’ll uh. I’ll go home.”

“You can stay through the night, if you like. It’s getting late. But if you do stay, I am going to ask you to take a shower.”

“Alright, alright. Will you shower with me?”

“No, because you’re starting to stink.” Hermann pushes away gently. “And I don’t want to risk distracting you from washing. Now go.”

“Then afterwards…”

“Afterwards you’re going to help me put away clothes,” Hermann declares. “Now go.”

Newt gives him a very sly look as he stands. There’s no reason they can’t have a distraction before doing some very, very boring unpacking.

 

The whole incident takes five days. Newt does leave after Hermann asks but he ends up asking Hermann over for some bad takeout later that night. Hermann agrees, so he can’t be too tired of seeing him around. They sit huddled on Newt’s couch that night. It’s unclear how much the world has changed from this, but Newt knows that San Francisco and half of the Bay Area is gone and gone for good.

He has to hide his intrigue, to keep from scaring Hermann away or from feeling so distanced from the things that make him very human. But he also doesn’t want to have to hide how passionate he feels about something away.

“When I was a kid, I loved this sort of thing,” Newt begins, staring ahead at his tv screen. The volume is off, but the captions still flash across the screen. “Godzilla and all that. I still sort of do and it makes me feel like shit.”

“It is hardly your fault that this happened. We don’t have the faintest clue how this happened.”

Newt supposes this is as good of an answer as he’s going to get for that. He doesn’t want to explain how badly he wants to figure out what made this creature tick, or that he thinks it’s probably one of the most interesting things he’s ever seen. This may be his only chance at something like this. He wonders, selfishly, if any labs will get samples for experimentation. With any luck, MIT will be high on the list and he’ll get a chance to touch this kaiju himself.

He’s brought out of his thoughts when Hermann leans in, resting his head on Newt’s shoulder.

“Do you know anyone who was out there?” Newt asks finally. He feels oddly close to Hermann, but also knows he knows virtually nothing about him still.

“No. All of my family is in Germany.”

“I have a few former classmates who had jobs out there. Silicon Valley types, but they certainly weren’t friends.”

“How’s your future in start-up taxi services?”

“Inconclusive.” Newt smiles over at him. “The app’s been down since the attack, but they’ve got this little message said they’ll be back. Capitalism spins madly on.”

“Yes, the unfortunate reality of these incidents is,” Hermann begins, “it is typically the poor who suffer, not the big corporations. Our comfortable life here will likely continue relatively unchanged.”

It’s apparent that Hermann is trying to say this as a conclusive fact, but Newt can hear that this is actually a hope, or a prayer passing Hermann’s lips. Do not disturb these people’s comfortable lives. Do not disturb my happy life.

“That fucking sucks.” Newt stares blankly at the television. “Do you drink?” he asks suddenly. Hermann did not have anything to drink on their earlier date, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t.

“On occasion.” 

“I think this is the kind of occasion that calls for a drink.” 

He stands and proceeds to his small kitchen, procuring a beer for each of them. In lieu of a bottle opener, he angles them both against the edge of the counter before he carries them to the living room area. He offers one of the bottles to Hermann, which he takes gladly.

They drink a six pack between them and end the evening with some desperate fumbling on the couch, where they both fall asleep tangled up in each other.

Newt wakes the next morning to Hermann more or less shoving him aside. He’s still wearing a t-shirt (albeit pushed up to reveal most of his chest), his boxers, and one sock. Hermann’s literally just wearing a button-up shirt, which Newt thinks is one of the most delightful sights to wake up to. 

He notices, with a frown, that Hermann’s gait is off, like he’s trying to keep from limping. This is the first he’s truly noticed this and he’s immediately worried something’s gone wrong.

“Erm- did you sleep alright? Or hurt yourself?” Newt asks.

Hermann freezes in his movements, then turns back to him with a very gentle but hesitant smile.

“No, no. I’m alright.” Hermann shakes his head. “It’s a symptom of a, uh, condition.”

“I never realized.”

“I generally don’t introduce myself by announcing that I have MS, don’t think too much on it. It doesn’t impact my ability to function and I’m obviously very agile in my day to day life.”

“Okay.”

Hermann’s face is frozen, as though he’s expected more. Eventually, when Newt says no more than that simple “okay”, it breaks into another smile and they resume their day.

 

About a week later, Newt receives a notification email that not only are the systems for Lyft back up and running (albeit housed somewhere other than California) but drivers are actively encouraged to drive, given the influx of people moving elsewhere in the country. The part of Newt that despises Capitalism hates that this is the case, but the part of Newt that understands just how badly he needs extra money finds himself behind the wheel again almost immediately.

One evening, by chance, he impulsively turns the app on while Hermann is in the car. He’s in the middle of singing very loudly along to the Arctic Monkeys when the app pings that he’s got a ride.

“Shit.” Newt almost completely stops the car. “I forgot you were in here.”

“I’m glad to know you forgot your entire boyfriend is in the car,” Hermann states, crossing his arms. “Go ahead, take the ride. The longer it takes to get home the less likely it will be that you have sex tonight.”

“We,” Newt amends. “Just remember that, it’s us having sex, not just me. I don’t think I’m, uh, technically supposed to accept rides with someone else in the car but…”

But he’s going to do it anyway. The riders in question are two young women, probably about Newt’s age, or a bit younger. They’re already a bit drunk and seem pleasant enough.

“Hello, ladies,” Newt greets, looking back at them. “Please ignore the man in the front seat, he’s my boyfriend and we’re heading on a date after this.”

This is factually untrue. They just finished their very nice and romantic date and Hermann had made some very good natured promises about a backrub when they returned to one of their apartments.

“Your boyfriend?” one of the women asks, and Newt flinches in anticipation of a negative reaction. “Oh, that’s so cute! I bet you two are super cute together.”

“We are. We’re pretty cute. Right, Hermann?”

Hermann rather dramatically rolls his eyes. “I know one of us is.” Newt knows from his tone that Hermann very much so is referring to himself.

“He’s British!” the other woman all but squeals.

“Actually I’m-”

“Yeah,” Newt cuts in. “Didn’t I get lucky with that one? Now, what type of music do you like to listen to?”

They answer that they’re interested in almost anything, which Newt takes as a chance to turn on some Britney Spears. Hermann’s expression becomes stormier, but he has retaliation in mind. Instead, he places a hand high on Newt’s upper thigh, resting it there while he drives, occasionally rubbing it ever so gently. Newt swallows hard and tries not to think about it as he drives. It would be very unprofessional for him to let it distract him from driving well.

He takes on a handful of riders that night. Each time he’s driving, Hermann remains silent but keeps his hand very firmly on his thigh. Most of the fares are young people who are too busy talking to each other or staring down at their phones to notice anything up front. The final passenger of the night, though, is a chatty man of probably about forty who insists on asking questions and Newt spends half of it stammering through the conversation.

By the time they drop him off, it takes everything in Newt’s power to avoid speeding away back towards his apartment. He’s made the executive decision they’re going back to his place and Hermann doesn’t argue that, because he has other things to argue.

“We’re going to talk about this, Newton,” he states, withdrawing his hand. “You can’t force me to go along on your rides with you.”

“I’m sorry,” Newt says, turning to him. “I didn’t mean for that to happen, it just sort of did. Do you want me to take you home?”

“No, it’s alright. I just wanted you to know that you need to ask before I am stuck in your car for several hours on a Friday evening.”

“I know, I know. But it wasn’t that bad, was it?”

Hermann doesn’t say anything, but he places his hand on Newt’s upper thigh again. This will, of course, only be the first of many nights that go like this.

 

Newt gapes at the three people standing on the sidewalk. It’s probably not the best form to force all three of them into the backseat, but he’s not exactly going to displace Hermann over this. Somehow it’s just become natural for him to do this, to the point of him occasionally stopping to pick up Hermann before he even goes to find riders. Because of the influx of young and fairly wealthy people to the east coast from California, there’s really no shortage of people looking for rides. If anyone has complaints about getting into a Lyft with a grumpy looking man in the passenger seat, they haven’t said anything yet. Policy be damned.

One of the young men goes to the passenger side door, peers inside, then returns to check the license plate yet again before they pile in. They’re rather lively and seem to be heading to a house party on the other side of the city, judging by the conversation they strike up.

Looking into the mirror, Newt assesses how to best start a conversation with the young men in the back. Hermann is shooting him a look of warning, or even a look of begging, to not start a conversation with them.

“You guys students?” Newt asks, ignoring the warning. He always does.

The man in the middle speaks up. “Yeah.”

“Cool. Where at?”

“BU.”

“Nice, and what do you study?” 

“Newton, please,” Hermann cuts in. “You sound like someone’s grandfather.”

“I’m making small talk with the passengers,” Newt defends. “I think that’s allowed.”

“Yeah, dude,” the man in the middle says, “don’t be a buzzkill.”

“Please do not call me ‘dude’,” Hermann says coolly. 

“Chill,” the man continues. “Just saying, your friend is just fine.”

Hermann rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath. Newt isn’t certain what he says, but he’s fairly certain he detects the word “idiot” but he lets it slide because the passengers do seem more intent on talking to each other. The rest of the ride is silent in the front seat and the men don’t bother giving a goodbye as they slip out. Instead of searching for a new fare, Newt switches off the app.

“Do you think I’m embarrassing?” Newt asks. For his part, he doesn’t care. He’s been authentically himself without fail, but it worries him that Hermann might find him annoying.

“Not in most contexts,” Hermann answers. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, you looked sort of embarrassed back there.”

“I don’t understand why you insist on talking to all of the people in this car. All you need to do is say hello to verify they are who they should be and then goodbye if needed.”

“Hey, if I hadn’t insisted on talking to you, where would we be today.”

“Technically we are where we are because I happened to lose my wallet in your car. You were cute and I was grateful.”

The sigh that Newt gives is overdramatic at best. “You liked that I was annoying you on that ride. You’d never have asked me to dinner if we didn’t argue.”

“Were you trying to flirt with all three of those young men, then?” Hermann asks, crossing his arms.

“Maybe I’m in the market for three new boyfriends.”

“That is not entertaining.”

“You’re right. I couldn’t do this if I had four people with me in the car at all points in time.”

“You are the one who is insistent that I come along with you for these,” Hermann defends. Despite saying Newt insists, he certainly goes along with this easily enough.

“I’m teaching and in classes and you’re doing research all day,” he explains. “I wouldn’t get to see you very much otherwise.”

“Have you considered being more financially responsible so you don’t need to obtain an additional income?”

“I think the financially responsible thing is to pursue an additional income anyway.”

“You have no money. Ever. I’m unsure where your money could possibly go.”

“I have a lot of hobbies, Hermann. You’re deflecting from the question. Do I embarrass you?”

Hermann sighs. “I said that I don’t and I mean it. I would not date you if I was easily embarrassed by anything. It’s paramount to your happiness and perhaps to mine that you are free to be yourself as you wish to be.”

Newt, satisfied with this answer, turns the radio up and decides he’ll only grab one more fare for the night. He has papers to grade and perhaps he can convince Hermann to cuddle in front of the television, if he’s no longer in the mood.

“Your place or mine?” Hermann asks casually.

“Yours. The bed is larger,” he states. “You know, we could just move in tog-”

“No,” he cuts in. “In case you forgot, I will be returning to Germany next summer.”

“I’m aware that you’re going back. But I don’t see any reason why we can’t live together for the time being, regardless. We spend almost all of our free time together.”

The app pings with an alert for a fare and Newt turns the car to head towards the rider. 

“Because I don’t want you to become attached to the idea, Newton. We’ve only been involved for two months now.”

“Oh, I get it. So you’re not embarrassed by me because you don’t take me seriously enough as a partner.” 

“We were finished with that conversation!”

Newt pulls over the car when he spots the woman they are picking up.

“We’re not finished with any conversation! I don’t understand what’s the problem with taking this seriously even if you’re going to move back!”

“Because you’re a child escaping life by pursuing degrees instead of properly starting your career and I don’t think you can even fathom life outside of what you’re doing now.” Hermann’s crossed his arms in a very dramatic fit.

“That’s not fair to me. That’s really just absurd.”

“So are you saying you want to go back to Germany with me?” Hermann asks candidly.

“No, that is not what I’m saying.”

“Long distance relationships are not-”

Someone behind them clears their throat. In the tension of their fight, they haven’t noticed that the passenger has slid into the backseat. There’s really no recovering from this. Newt turns up the radio yet again and drives off to the destination. It’s annoying that they cannot continue the fight, but it does give him fifteen minutes to let the thoughts simmer.

He hasn’t really thought of the future, but he knows what he wants in the moment and that’s what makes the most sense. A lot can change before next summer and there’s no need to plan for that eventuality exclusively. The hope was that he’d keep studying whatever caught his eye until the right thing came along, but nothing has quite felt right yet. Maybe the right thing has come along and he wasn’t landed on it fully yet, he just needs the focus.  Or maybe the right thing is sitting in the car next to him, looking like the crossest man in the world.

After the rider has exited with a final weird look, Newt keeps the car parked for a few moments. He opens his mouth to speak a few times, coming up with a few syllables each time before he can say anything. Hermann, surprisingly, grants him these moments to process.

“I’m in love with you,” Newt says because it seems like the right thing to say. 

“I am aware,” Hermann answers. “I am. As well. In love with you.”

“I think there are worse things than a long distance relationship. And I don’t think it would have to be long distance forever.”

“Neither of us are likely to compromise on our future plans. Nor should we be.”

“Then we’ll travel a whole bunch. There are worse things in the world, like I said.”

“I suppose any adult relationship requires work.”

“Listen, dude.” Newt shifts to face him. “Two months ago, a giant monster came out of the sea and destroyed several west coast cities. Who knows what’ll happen in the next two months? But I do know that I enjoy fighting with you and driving with you and going home with you.”

Hermann leans forward and kisses him hard. Newt, always excited by the prospect of kissing, returns it with the same level of eagerness. The position is awkward at best, but they manage well enough as they become wrapped up in each other. It dawns on Newt that maybe this is an opportunity to move to the backseat when he leans against the horn, sounding it rather loudly in the midst of the very residential neighborhood.

“Shit,” he mutters. “Probably shouldn’t still be parked here.”

“Do you have any other obligations tonight?”

“Obligations. Very fancy of you. I was going to grade some lab reports, but I’m sure the students will understand if they’re...two weeks late. I’d rather spend my night with you.”

It’s clear that Hermann must have something in mind, because he doesn’t even bother to scold Newt for academic irresponsibility. It’s probably for the best that they’ve decided to go back to Hermann’s apartment with the larger bed.

 

Newt wakes on Hermann’s floor the next morning. At first, he’s certain that he’s fallen out of the bed, until he realizes that Hermann is also there beside him, still sound asleep on the bedroom rug.

“Hermann, babe,” he says, shaking him gently. “You gotta get up. Well, you don’t gotta but you should get into the bed.”

“Hmm?” Hermann turns over slowly and Newt immediately feels the urge to describe him as pretty. Which is an absurd descriptor for a man who is made up entirely of angles and grumpy looks.

“We’re on the floor and I don’t want your leg bothering you today.”

At times, Newt isn’t really certain how often he can mention Hermann’s leg or any of his other symptoms, but he also knows that ignoring them can be just as bad as always pointing them out. Hermann slowly sits up, looking over at the bed.

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Newton. You have class soon, don’t you?”

“Yeah, a lab.” Newt stretches. “Probably not a good idea to miss that. As the one teaching it.”

“Have you ever considered that maybe academia is not for you long-term?”

“I’ve gotta put my time in. I mean, it’s science. We all teach, right? Oh, don’t think I haven’t thought of what it would be like to walk into some boring physics class and then-”

“That’s inappropriate. I am a very professional teacher.”

“I’m sure you are.” Newt laughs. “What first attracted me to you, actually, is that you looked like the most boring professor in the whole damn school and I knew that deep down…”

“Deep down I’m not boring?”

“Deep down you’re a very interesting,  _ passionate _ man,” he explains. “With a pretty great body, too.”

“Right, well. If I had known that deep down you’d have a series of poorly executed tattoos, I’d have reconsidered. But I’m glad that you didn’t.”

“My tattoos are cool, Hermann.”

“Your tattoo artist is a former student you buy weed from. Negating  _ coolness _ , it’s not safe.”

“I’ll probably get them all covered one day, you know, when I’m boring too,” he jokes. His tattoos are mostly a haphazard smattering of stick and poke ventures, with a few done at local tattoo shops whenever he returns to Germany. “Until then, I’m thinking next is your name on my ass.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“You can’t stop me,” he challenges.

“I can stop doing things to you that you enjoy, which is approximately the same. You can do whatever you like to your body, but I do ask that you do not put my name on it.”

“I’ll make note of that for future reference. Can I put other symbols to represent you on my body?”

“I would prefer that you didn’t,” Hermann states. He grips the edge of the bed to rise to his feet and hoists himself to sit on the bed.

“Your leg does hurt you today.” It’s a fact, not a question. Newt stands and moves between his legs, wrapping his arms around him as he drops a kiss to the top of his head. “Do you need anything from me before I leave? Is your head hurting as well?”

Hermann presses his face to Newt’s stomach, content to stay there for a few moments before he pulls away.

“I’m a very competent adult man, Newton. You need to leave for work very soon.”

“Want to come for rides with me tonight?”

“I’ll think about it.” Hermann smiles up at him.

“Great. I’ll pick you up around eight.”

Newt kisses the top of his head again for good measure before he collects his clothing from around the room. He can figure out the future later, because this morning he’s got to get to class and later he’ll collect Hermann and they’ll fight in the front seat of his car.

 

For his own personal use, Newt generally chooses public transportation. He prefers to have time to let his mind wander and he fully understands the value of an efficient public transportation system for everyone involved. He drives to give others rides because he understands the value of this for the riders (and as additional income for himself) but that doesn’t mean that he enjoys it.

On this particular morning, he’s on the train listening very loudly to his music as he reviews notes for a class that afternoon. He doesn’t even notice someone slipping into the seat beside him, until he feels a shoulder bump against his shoulder and looks up.

“Hermann, my dude.” He grins and pulls out one of his earbuds. “Where are you headed?”

“I have a meeting at MIT today. I was hoping to surprise you at lunch.”

“I can pretend I didn’t see you here.” He reaches for Hermann’s hand. “It’ll be a surprise again. Though if they see you in my office, people are going to ask if you’re the boyfriend I’m always talking about, so be prepared for social interactions.”

“You talk about me to your colleagues?” Hermann asks.

“Not specifics, but people know that I’ve got a boyfriend and what he does. That sort of thing.”

“I do not share that sort of information freely, I’m afraid.”

“I didn’t expect that you would, no worries.”

“Should I?”

“No, no. I mean, if I show up in your lab and you pretend not to know me I’ll be pissed off, but you don’t have to tell anyone anything about your personal life. We’re different types of people.”

“Still, I think it is best if we are...equally open in our approach to the relationship.”

“Whatever makes you happy.” Newt shrugs. “So what did you have in mind for this surprise?”

“Lunch.”

“Just lunch?” he asks.

“You’ll see.”

 

Lunch is not just lunch. As much as Hermann seems the type who does not like public displays of affection (and he insists he doesn’t), he’s got this rebellious streak (always calculated) that drives Newt wild. That is to say, Newt isn’t particularly surprised that he ends up on his desk within the first five minutes of their lunch.

He’s got his arms around Hermann, pulling him closer. In order to keep quiet, he presses his face to Hermann’s shoulder. This is one thing about his personal life he has no desire for anyone else to know about. They’re rutting against each other eagerly and Newt’s using every limb he has to make sure they remain very firmly pressed against each other. There’s no way he’s going to possibly look put together for his class that afternoon, but it’s highly unlikely his students will be able to tell anything resembling specifics about his life.

(Not that it matters, he thinks, remembering the occasion just a week prior when someone noted that the backseat of his car smelled oddly sweaty- which was really the most dignified way of phrasing it. The point is, there’s nothing wrong with a healthy sex life, and he’s learning that now that he’s found someone who consistently wants to be with him as he is.)

“You need to get out of your head,” Hermann snaps.

“Sorry,” he huffs in reply, his cheeks flushing. “I was distracted by how great you are.”

Hermann scoffs (charmingly) and slides a hand between both of them, taking matters literally into his own hands. That gets the point across much more efficiently. Newt has to bite his shoulder lightly to keep from crying out, which is less than beneficial as that elicits a moan from Hermann. This is information to file away for later, because now he needs to focus on the pleasure at hand.

Their rutting becomes more heated as they both escalate towards their ends, which come only moments apart, Hermann with a shudder and Newt with a strangled cry. 

“Shit,” Newt exhales, fully aware that if anyone is listening they are likely able to put the pieces together.

They stare awkwardly at each other for a few moments before breaking out in laughter. What’s done has been done, and it’s hard to find the time to feel regret over something so enjoyable.

“Probably should have thought this through before engaging,” Hermann says. “Maybe get something like a muzzle for you.”

“Oh, you were right there with me.” Newt leans back over his desk to reach for several tissues from his tissue box. He hands one over to Hermann. “You’d find it considerably less sexy if I couldn’t talk.”

“Hmm, I’ll think over that.” Hermann winks at him. “It has its appeal in some situations that we’ve already experienced.”

“That’s different.”

Hermann steps away so that Newt can right himself properly, but he doesn’t make to move off of the desk. He watches as Hermann carefully rearranges himself into a man of composure instead of the creature of passion from just a few minutes earlier. Newt doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of watching this complex man shift just for him, and his heart swells at the knowledge that this is, in fact, just for him. For as long as he can keep him.

 

That night in the car, Hermann is diligently working on some reading as Newt rattles on to the rider about the attacks in August. Apparently the otherwise nice young woman named Bethany thinks it’s a conspiracy theory and the whole thing was a hoax.

“Dude, no,” Newt says, and his hands definitely completely leave the steering wheel. “I don’t think they’d hoax destroying half of the cool parts of California. If I was going to do that I’d do it to New Jersey.”

“I’m just finding it a bit absurd. A giant monster from the sea?” Bethany leans forward. She’s drunk and determined to be right.

“Yeah, I don’t see what’s so weird about that.”

“It’s a Giant Godzilla!” she screeches.

“And that’s not so weird! I’m going to see samples,” Newt screeches right back, with righteous fury.

“Samples of what?” Bethany settles back, crossing her arms.

“Trespasser! The kaiju. They’re going to send some samples to MIT and if I play my cards right, I’ll get to poke around inside of it.”

Instead of admitting defeat, Bethany leans forward, this time immediately behind Hermann.

“Hey. You. Do you think this monster is real?” she asks.

Hermann closes his book and turns to her by a small fraction. “I think the greater argument at this point in time is if there are more and what the statistical likelihood of another attack occurring is.” He manages to make a show of a dramatic slow blink. “Now please, if you are going to argue with Newton, keep your seatbelt on, because he does love to talk with his hands and I would like if all of us lived to see another day.”

Bethany becomes silent and pointedly hooks up her seatbelt. Like most of the riders, she plays with her phone for the remainder of the ride. Newt and Hermann both watch as she is carefully collected at the front door of what is presumably her apartment.

“Is that what you’re spending all of your time thinking about?” Newt asks, tapping his hand nervously on the wheel. “If another one’s gonna come out of the sea?”

“Not all of my time.” Hermann opens his book again. “But it’s on my radar of things to understand, yes. Anything for which there is not much known data interests and terrifies me and this is no exception.”

“Well dude, we’re cool. In the monster movies have they ever, ever attacked Boston?” Newt jokes. “Let’s go get some iced coffees.”

This is the first time it’s dawned on Newt that other people might be thinking about this as much as he privately has. People he respects. People he loves. The general population is justifiably concerned about the tragedy of it, but Newt wants to understand the science, and he thinks he might finally have an ally in this. He’s given a moment of startling clarity before realizing he’s made a wrong turn and abruptly rerouting himself to the nearest Dunkin.

“I have to go to a conference next weekend,” Hermann announces, once they’ve both got their large iced coffees. “In New York City. It’s not particularly interesting to you, but I was wondering if you would like to come with me.”

“Are you asking because you’ll miss me or because you want me to drive you?”

“I’m taking the train,” Hermann explains. “I thought this may be a way to go public to my colleagues about my relationship.”

“Dude, I meant it when I said it. You don’t need to make some big statement about dating me. It’s fine. When we’re married with three kids one day, that’ll be an issue, but until then it’s not.”

“Three children?” he asks, skeptically.

“Sure, why not? I think that sounds like a good enough number.”

“I’m not particularly interested in marriage or children. But I am not opposed to long-term commitment, as you know.”

“Well, ideally we’ll both be too married to scientific discovery to worry about those sorts of things.”

“I’m glad we agree on that point.”

Newt, despite seeming okay with this, turns the radio up, which is always a defensive measure. It’s hard to articulate why the idea of being married to his work alone sits poorly with him, but it’s not Hermann’s fault. Hermann doesn’t know everything about his past, after all, or his family. Hermann doesn’t have to answer for the hurt feelings of a little boy left behind by a parent.

 

The night Hermann returns from the conference, Newt isn’t expecting him. Not that this is ever an issue, because he wouldn’t be surprised if Hermann suddenly showed up anywhere he was. It’s some sort of fate and he’s accepting it as it is. He’ll gladly take an eternity of Hermann abruptly appearing wherever he is. Still, he’s sitting in bed in his boxers with his laptop and a joint when Hermann walks in and it makes for an awkward picture.

“Ah, you’re smoking. Am I to assume you’ve got a few new terrible tattoos lurking about, then?” Hermann asks, approaching the bed.

“No. Yes. Just the one.” He lifts his boxer shorts to reveal an arrow on his thigh. “He’s going to become a legitimate artist, and he doesn’t smoke when he does the tattoos and I can’t smoke when I’m getting them done.”

“You’ll have those things forever, Newton.” Hermann settles on the bed beside him, holding out his hand expectantly.

“I’m gonna get them covered one day probably. One day this is all going to be tattoo.” Newt passes the joint. Hermann’s never imbibed with him before, but he’s not going to ask questions about it.

“Then why do these now?” 

“Because it- uh, it’s fun.” It may be because he’s a little bit high, but Newt thinks even the way Hermann smokes weed is attractive. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” Hermann chides, passing the joint back to Newt. “It helps with the leg pain.”

“I just didn’t know you liked to break so many rules.”

“I break a few now and then. I’m assuming you won’t be driving tonight?”

“That would be highly irresponsible of me. I was driving all weekend. It was so weird to actually be able to let people sit in the front seat.”

“Incredible.” When Newt does not pass the joint on, Hermann reaches for it again, plucking it out of his fingers. “Any interesting passengers I missed on the pleasure of meeting?”

“I had these two dudes full on makeout in the backseat of the car,” he begins. “Like acting like I wasn’t even there making out. And when I told them to stop they said I was being homophobic, so I really could have used you to makeout with me to prove my point.”

“We would not have kissed in front of passengers to prove a point.” Hermann shrugs out of his jacket and slips off his sweater for good measure. 

“I think if you were annoyed enough at them you woulda done it.”

“Perhaps. Let’s sit on the fire escape.”

“Weed you is super cool, Hermann.”

In order to sit outside, Newt has to put all of his clothes on and drag a blanket out for good measure, but they manage well enough. There’s really no charm to the fire escape under ordinary circumstances, but Newt rolls them a fresh joint and they smoke it huddled together as Hermann recounts the events of his weekend. Newt’s initial thought is that if he were to die in this moment, he’d be incredibly happy. Like a Smiths song. But he also knows that he’s very high and the world is more complicated than even Morrissey could say.

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean, Hermann?” Newt shouts from the driver’s seat. They’re less than a minute from the rider and need to finish this fight before it’s time to pick him up.

“It’s supposed to mean exactly what I said.” Hermann has his arms crossed as he so often does when they fight. Newt knows damn well it’s a control thing with him more than anything else. “Please do not raise your voice.”

“You can’t keep saying you don’t want to talk about things because they don’t matter, dude. You’re allowed to have your secrets, but I think it’s valid of me to ask why I can’t meet your parents when they visit.”

The holidays are coming up quickly and Hermann had announced that his parents will be spending a few days with him during Hanukkah. Newt had figured he’d be around at least as a friend for the holiday, but Hermann insisted this was a family only affair.

“And I don’t think I owe you an answer at this moment.”

“You’re ashamed of me.”

“This again, Newton?”

“Oh no, that was embarrassment. That’s on me. Shame is all on you.”

“I’m not bloody ashamed of you!” Hermann shouts this time.

“Then what is it, hmm? You don’t want me around long enough to actually meet your family?”

Naturally, when things reach the fever pitch is precisely the moment they arrive at the destination and a very sweet faced college student climbs into the backseat.

“We’re having the same argument we’ve been having this whole while,” Hermann says quietly.

This does not dissipate the tension but it certainly sets the mood for something quieter. Thankfully this is a short ride and will take no more than five minutes. Assuming Newt can keep quiet for that long, which isn’t likely under any conditions. In fact, after two minutes of Hermann sitting with his arms crossed and sighing, something snaps.

“You know what?” Newt says, and the kid in the back noticeably startles. “I think we should just break up if you think we’re just having the same argument over and over again.”

“If you want to handle this like a child, then by all means break up with me.” Hermann remains impassible and cold.

“I do want to handle this like a child, because you’re treating me like one. So you know what, fuck you and fuck this relationship.”

That line gets a reaction and Newt immediately regrets it. He needs to control the part of himself that always wants to get a rise out of everyone, but it’s so hard to keep it stamped down.

“If that’s how you really feel, Newton, then fuck our relationship.”

When they drop the passenger off, Hermann steps out of the car as well, slamming the door after himself. Newt rolls down the window.

“Dude, don’t do this. I’ll drive you home,” he says, reaching over to open the door again.

“That’s not necessary. I can find my own way home.”

“I didn’t actually mean what I said. I’m sorry I said it.”

“Just allow me this space.” Hermann turns away and begins to walk. It’s a safe enough neighborhood so Newt knows this is probably the best course of action, but he does have one pressing question.

“Wait! Hermann!” he calls after him but it’s too late. “Are we broken up or not? Fucking- fuck!”

He stops the car and climbs out, jogging after Hermann. He really doesn’t want to be this person in a fight, but he’s terrified he’s let the relationship slip through his fingers.

“Hermann, wait,” he pants. “I don’t want to break up with you. I definitely don’t need to meet your parents. Ever. Or anyone in your life, but I also don’t want it to be because you’re ashamed of being with me.”

“What precisely do you think I have to be ashamed of?” Hermann asks. “You’re one of the brightest scientific minds of our generation. In my father’s eyes, you’d be a near perfect match, if my father had any inclination that I was interested in men. Or a likelihood to be accepting of that fact.”

Of course it was probably wrong of Newt to assume that it would be that simple to be presented to Hermann’s family. His father and uncle had always been very open minded and accepting, but that didn’t mean that anyone else’s family would be.

“I’m sorry your dad’s like that. I hadn’t really thought about it that way. For you.”

“I’d love to spend any holiday with you over my family, especially as none of my siblings are likely to be present, but I’d really prefer to just get through these few days so I can enjoy the rest of my time.”

“So we’re still together? We’re not broken up?”

“I’m still angry about what you said, Newton and I’d appreciate it if you gave me the space to be angry about it.”

Newt holds his hands up in a facsimile of surrender. “Do you want a ride, at least?”

“I’d honestly prefer to have a bit of a walk. Alone,” Hermann answers. “I’ll send you a text later, to let you know that I’m home safe.”

There’s no need to push boundaries. This doesn’t feel like a relationship ending. Not that Newt would really know what that feels like, given that he’s only been in one real relationship in his life, but he suspects if Hermann was actually breaking up with him, he’d feel sick to his stomach or like he couldn’t breathe. Or he’d start crying.

He goes back to his apartment to grade some papers, where he anxiously checks his phone for texts every few minutes. Nearly three hours have passed without a text when he begins to panic that something horrendous has happened and his life is horrible. He has to send something.

_?????? r u ok? _

**Apologies. I lost track of the time.**

_ R u still walking? do u need a ride? _

**I’m home now. Thank you for the offer.**

_ Well i wouldn’t want u getting into a lyft with some1 else… _

**Oh, didn’t you know? I had the hunkiest driver and now we’re going to elope.**

_ :( _

**Let’s get dinner tomorrow. So you can meet him, of course. Not as a date.**

_ U won’t be able to resist my charms _

**Or your grammar.**

_ ur just lucky that I love you. Jerk. _

**I really am.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic title is from "Satellite" by Guster
> 
> All timeline info etc is from the fandom wiki, which is diligently always a tab on my mobile browser.


	2. Chapter 2

Hermann asks Newt to teach him to drive. At first Newt laughs it off, because admittedly, despite offering his car up as a part-time taxi, he’s not particularly good at driving. It just happens that a lot of people in Boston are bad drivers so comparably he could be worse. When he’s certain that Hermann’s in earnest, though, he decides to teach him on a road trip.

They drive in hour shifts, taking winding roads through Western Massachusetts and Newt feigns that this is all by random design. By the end of the evening, Hermann’s become nervous that they’re too far outside of Boston and they won’t get home in time. After all, it’s dark and he can’t possibly drive when it’s dark out and if it becomes too late, they’ll have to sleep in the car.

“Relax,” Newt says, reaching over to squeeze his thigh. “I’ve got a plan.”

Newt pulls down a long dirt road and he can tell by the looks Hermann keeps giving him that he’s not convinced they’re going to make it out of this adventure alive.

“I suppose now’s the time to tell you, Newton, that I’ve always suspected that you were a murderer,” Hermann quips.

“Oh, babe. I could never murder you.” Newt turns to grin at him as he pulls the car to a stop. “I could sort of kidnap you and take you to a Bed and Breakfast in the middle of nowhere, though.”

“I don’t have anything-” Hermann’s expression is one of genuine surprise, which Newt counts as a success.

“Stole some stuff from your apartment earlier. I have a key, remember?”

“My medications-”

“That too. If you really don’t want to do this, we can turn around.”

Newt’s got a several hundred dollar non-refundable payment he made, but he knew that risk when he decided to whisk away his boyfriend for a holiday season getaway. Between Hermann spending late November with his family for Hanukkah and his father and uncle insisting he flies to Germany for Christmas, they don’t have much time to spend together. But romantic risks don’t always pay off. As he waits for an answer, he stares ahead with both hands on the wheel. The lights from the Bed and Breakfast seem a bit blurry as the lightest flurries of snow start to fall. They can still make it back to Boston in time.

“As long as you remembered something to read, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to take a weekend to relax,” Hermann says. “We had planned to spend the entire weekend together anyway.”

“Ever the romantic.” He turns off the car and climbs out, retrieving a single duffel bag from the trunk. 

Hermann takes a few moments to bundle himself up tighter in his coat and scarf before he steps out of the car. “I don’t want to know how you packed things, or if anything is wrinkled.”

“I folded your things up very neatly. But I may have conveniently forgot to pack anything to sleep in. For both of us, so it’s fair.”

The woman at the check-in desk coos over them, pointing out how young they look and how wonderful it is to see people so young prioritizing romance these days. It’s clear from the decor in the building that most guests are probably middle aged couples, likely the sort looking to rekindle nearly extinct flames, or those who come every year out of obligation. Newt talks very eagerly with her, sharing the basics of their lives and making a point to brag about both of their accomplishments. 

Once they’re safely in the room, he tosses the bag onto a couch and immediately throws himself onto the bed, coat and all.

“Don’t put your shoes on the bed, Newton,” Hermann warns as he deliberately peels off his layers. “Help me light this fire before you get too comfortable, anyway.”

Newt’s coat hits the floor in the next moment and Newt turns around, leaning up on his elbows. “Oh, honey, I’ll help you light all the fires you want this weekend. We’ve got nothing to do but light fires.”

“I’m only asking you to light the one,” Hermann deadpans, kneeling by the fireplace.

After kicking off his shoes, Newt joins him, stacking the provided logs onto the fire before he fumbles in his back pocket for a lighter.

Hermann glances over at him. “You better not have brought weed to this nice woman’s hotel.”

“No,” Newt defends, watching with glee as the fire starts to catch. “I don’t smoke that often largely because I don’t smoke when I think I might be having sex. Usually.”

“Was that why you brought me here?” Hermann answers in mock surprise. “To have your way with me?”

Newt leans over and nuzzles at the back of his neck, sliding an arm around his middle. “I think you and I both know that it’s usually the other way ‘round.”

“I like to think of it as mutual.” Hermann turns to him, catching his lips in a kiss. He nips lightly at Newt’s lower lip.

“Are you warm enough to take some clothes off, then?” Newt reaches for the hem of Hermann’s jumper nonetheless.

“I’m warm enough to take yours off, if that counts for anything.”

“Not exactly the same thing there, Herms.”

“I think the goal is for us to both take our things off.” 

The kissing continues then as they shift closer. Rather than continue to tug off the shirt, Newt contents himself with sliding his hands up Hermann’s chest under the shirt. He gently squeezes a nipple, then tugs on it. The ensuing sound is surprised and very, very sweet to his ears and he pushes the jumper up, allowing his mouth to take the place of his fingers. As in most anything else in his life, he’s relentless, kissing and mouthing along his chest, bold enough to scrape his teeth across sensitive flesh. With his hands free to do as he chooses, he works on undoing Hermann’s pants. 

Hermann’s own hands hover in the air, as though he’s hesitating on where he wants to touch next. Eventually, they settle on Newt’s lower back, sliding into the back of his jeans, ungracefully cupping his ass. Newt hums happily against his chest before pulling away, now he does lift Hermann’s sweater over his head and does the same for himself.

“Should we do this on the floor or-?” Newt asks, surprisingly bashful in the moment. “I mean, I think it’s kinda sexy.”

Instead of giving a verbal answer, Hermann lays back, lifting his hips just enough to make it easier to slide the pants off the remainder of the way. Newt makes quick work of his jeans, tossing them aside with the same eagerness he had cast his coat across the room before he straddles Hermann. Within moments he’s leaning down and casting open mouthed kisses from his mouth, down along his jaw. He’s going to relish the feeling forever, of being young and in love.

It’s not articulate or graceful, the way they move against each other, at first rubbing through their underthings, then through manoeuvring, skin on skin, the slick feeling of two bodies moving against each other and then the beautiful tensing of release, shared only a few moments apart.

The kissing does not stop even then, as they both lay panting on the floor, but the sloppy and hurried kissing of passion shifts to tender, almost chaste kiss of an earnest affection- something lasting that neither of them dare to say aloud.

 

The next day, a Saturday, is spent in bed. When they do make an appearance downstairs, it’s only long enough to obtain some food. They do manage to eat at the table instead of bring it back to bed, but that’s mostly for concern of crumbs than anything else. Either way, the desk attendant doesn’t make comment or make any further attempts at small talk at all.

“I think we’ve scandalized them,” Newt says, as he’s all inhaling his dinner.

“They shouldn’t have any opinion either way of what we are or are not doing in here.”

“Their usual clientele is married couples who go on wine tours or romantic bike rides. Not twenty somethings who spend their day locked in the room.”

“We’ve been reading!” Hermann says, suddenly defensive.

“I thought you said their opinion should not matter,” Newt teases, picking at Hermann’s fries. “And you and I both know we were not just reading. We were  _ loudly _ not reading less than an hour ago, in fact.”

“Do be quiet,” he comments. “I’m trying to enjoy my meal.”

“We could go do one of those things. A wine tour or a romantic bike ride, or walk hand in hand in a quaint tourist town.”

“I don’t want to do any of that. It’s cold outside and we have a bottle of wine in here, so I don’t see why we’d have to leave at all.”

“Oh, before I forget.” Newt scrambles to his feet, then moves to rummage through the duffel bag. “I have something for you. A gift.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

Newt comes back, holding out a package that has been wrapped in newsprint. Hermann blushes when it’s presented to him, but he does open it, casting awkward looks to Newt as he does. It’s nothing special, a MIT sweatshirt and a beautifully leatherbound book of graphing paper, but Hermann seems very pleased with the items anyway.

“Thank you. These are lovely. I bought you a present as well, but it is back in my apartment.”

“Any hints?”

“I don’t think it’s really exciting enough to have you guessing. It’s a leather jacket, since you often talk about wanting to look like, in your own words, a rockstar.”

“Babe, I could kiss you right now.”

And he does.

 

To start off the new year, Newt decides to get a nose piercing. It’s a single, seemingly tasteful hoop but Hermann takes offense to it. Hermann’s immediate reaction is the opposite of offense, actually, but in the light of the morning after, he has some arguments regarding how professional the look is.

“It’s fine, Hermann,” Newt argues, as they walk to grab some coffee before parting for the day.

“It’s not a look that is easily accepted as professional in academia,” Hermann refutes.

It’s bitterly cold and everything Hermann says is muffled under his rather large scarf, but Newt has become particularly adept at deciphering this sort of muttering. They’re walking hand in hand despite the disagreement.

“No one says anything about the black nail polish.”

“Nail polish is different. It’s not on your face.”

“You didn’t have any complaints about the piercing last night. In fact, I’d say you were pretty into it.”

“Being into something doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for you. I don’t want you professionally compromising yourself for aesthetic.”

“Dude! The world is changing and we have to rethink what we think of as professionally appropriate.” Newt stops then to open the door to Dunkin for both of them.

“Yes, but what’s next? My name tattooed across your forehead?”

Newt snorts. “Not my forehead, no.”

“Newton.” It’s clear from Hermann’s facial expression that he’s mentally going through a list of every part of Newt he’s seen without the cover of clothes lately. “You couldn’t possibly-”

“Your initials. Maybe a bit,” he admits. “On my inner thigh. It seemed romantic at the time, and I thought you’d see it last night, but you got really distracted by the nose thing-”

Hermann’s immediately dragging him away towards the single stall restroom, pushing past others to shove him into the space.

“Show me.”

In the middle of the dirty Dunkin Donuts bathroom, Newt tugs his jeans down. Sure enough, on his inner thigh in very elegant letters are the initials “H.G.” Hermann looks back and forth between the tattoo and Newt’s face a handful of times.

“Do you like it?” Newt asks. He suspects he already knows the answer to this question.

“I wish you’d asked me before doing this so I could have let you know how awful of an idea it is.”

“I can get whatever I like tattooed on my body,” Newt states defensively. “It’s a tiny thing, I can easily have it covered, and it made me happy.”

“We’ve only been seeing each other since August. I wouldn’t even wish you to do that after years together.”

“Well it can’t be undone now, can it?”

There’s a knock on the door then, an employee asking that only one person uses the bathroom at a time. Newt quickly pulls his jeans back up and heads for the door. Rather than create a scene, they both silently resume their place in line and proceed with their day as usual. There’s no substantial difference except for the fact that they no longer hold hands.

 

The tattoo continues to be a subject of conversation over the next several weeks. Newt insists that he will cover it up if they should break up or he decides he wants something more detailed, but Hermann still seems hung up on it.

They’ve just picked up a fare in the midst of yet another argument about the tattoo and Newt immediately turns to the person in the backseat, a young person taking their cat to the vet.

“How soon into a relationship is too soon to get a tattoo of the other person’s name?” he asks abruptly, not even introducing himself.

“Erm- guess it depends on the person?” the passenger answers, situating the cat carrier carefully on the other seat. “Like if you have lots of tattoos it’s different than when you have one or two.”

“What would you do?” Newt clarifies.

“Oh, I wouldn’t. Ever. That’s way too big of a commitment.”

Hermann shoots over a very triumphant look which Newt pointedly ignores as he starts the car. There’s no point in arguing with people who just don’t understand. It doesn’t have to mean something forever, it just means something right now. He hopes even in the future he can remember how he felt in these months.

“What if it’s something small and tasteful?” Newt adds, trying to press the issue.

“Like if it’s a symbol or something, I guess. Or something that’s easy to cover,” the passenger, Rosie, continues. “My friend got his ex-wife’s name across his chest and that’s gonna take a lot of money to cover that.”

“I will break up with you for the sheer joy of you having to pay to have something removed if you do that,” Hermann cuts in. “And then once it’s covered, I’ll ask you on a date again for good measure.”

“This is what I put up with,” Newt says, peering back at the cat in particular. “It’s just his initials, and he’s fighting me on it.”

“That’s not so bad,” Rosie answers. “That’s kinda cute.”

“I tried to convince him that for Valentine’s Day, he should get mine.”

“And I tried to convince him that if he wants that, he should get a new boyfriend for Valentine’s Day,” Hermann says, staring ahead.

Newt pats Hermann’s leg, then gives it a squeeze. “I like the boyfriend I have a whole lot, though.”

Rosie, like all of the best passengers, uses this as a cue to scroll through her phone. Newt’s slowly learned to not engage the passengers in talk when they don’t want to, but he’s still got this curious streak that makes him want to engage in conversation for the sake of talking. As Hermann will say, sometimes Newt just likes to hear his own voice.

“Holy shit!” she exclaims from the backseat. “Did you see what’s happening in Manila?”

 

Immediately after Rosie and her cat are safely at the vet, Newt drives them both back to his apartment. It’s a Wednesday afternoon, so he preemptively cancels his classes the next day. He spends the evening more or less glued to the television. At one point, he forgets that Hermann is even in the apartment, until he nearly elbows him in the face.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Newt apologizes, taking Hermann’s face in his hands and kissing him softly. “I really zoned out there.”

“I can understand when a giant monster emerges from its home deep in the sea and destroys-”

“First of all, kaiju. Second, that thing’s not from the sea. Probably. I just want to get my hands on a piece of it.”

“Well, it has to be from somewhere, doesn’t it?” Hermann asks, draping an arm over Newt.

“Yeah, but biologically I don’t think either of these makes sense to be from the ocean.”

“Someone has to do something about this,” Hermann answers with purpose. “If it’s happened twice, in so short a time span, there’s no guarantee it won’t happen again.”

Newt feels something in the pit of his stomach, a rolling guilt that he’s watching this safe and warm in the arms of the man he loves. Elsewhere, people are dying and panicking and fearful. This could be another place gone and uninhabitable by human life for a long time to come if someone doesn’t find a solution to this. Worse, though, is the torment to his guilt. He turns his attention back to the screen and stares on in fascination. He wants, as a biologist, to understand this creature and what makes it tick. He wants to see it up close and understand exactly what the world is facing. But to gather any conclusive data, there will have to be more attacks and he cannot bring himself to hope for that.

Around midnight, Hermann declares his intention to sleep, because he does still have research to do the next day. Newt makes a noncommittal noise when asked if he’s joining. The likelihood of him sleeping until this whole thing is resolved is highly unlikely, so he alternates between listening to the television on low volume and the sound of Hermann’s uneasy sleep until it’s light out.

Hermann does not switch on the light as he stumbles back into the living room. Newt looks up from the blanket cocoon he’s made for himself and is greeted with a kiss to the forehead.

“I need to return to my apartment,” Hermann says softly. “To change my clothes. But I’ll come by after my work is done. If you’d like. And then you can give me any updates you have.”

“I wish you could stay here with me.” He reaches for Hermann’s wrist, pulling him closer. “Can’t you take just one day off?”

“Newton, I need to go to work today. I-” Hermann pauses for a moment. “While I fully understand why it’s important for you to process this information this way, it’s very difficult for me to stand idly by, knowing this has happened again. I need to feel like I’m doing something, and if I can’t stop something as tremendous as this from happening, I need to throw myself into the work given to me.”

“I hadn’t realized this made such a profound impact on you.”

“I hadn’t realized myself until this morning. Or late last night. I was dwelling on the future and what it would mean if this keeps happening and I did not like any of the futures I foresaw.”

“I’ll see you tonight. I’ve got to do some work on my paper, but I want to see you.”

“Of course.” Hermann drops a kiss to the top of Newt’s head before stepping away.

Newt does manage to shower and start his work that day, despite frequent breaks to stare at the television or his laptop screen. After about four cups of coffee, he feels like a normal, functioning version of himself, even if he’s falling down the rabbit hole of independent research while also working on a very, very important paper. This is pretty standard for him, honestly, and is usually how he decides what to study next, it’s just unnerving to know that he’s so interested in something for which there is no established field of study. He’d have to pioneer something completely and wonderfully new.

He’s sitting on the couch, hair askew and wearing just a sweater (Hermann’s, actually, that he stole after their holiday weekend away) and a ratty pair of boxers, when Hermann returns with Indian takeout in hand.

“I assumed you had forgotten to feed yourself today,” Hermann states, depositing the food on the coffee table before depositing himself on the couch. 

“I had coffee earlier, but I’ve been preoccupied all day. Thanks.”

They eat their food as Newt catches Hermann up on any news developments from the day. He suspects that Hermann has been following along anyway, but doesn’t stop him from talking. Maybe it’s just an excuse for him to eat his dinner without needing to have a conversation, but Newt doesn’t care, because he finds the whole thing, while tragic, so damn fascinating.

“It’s so weird to think about the fact that last time this happened,” Newt concludes, “was when we got together, you know?”

“It is a strange occasion to begin a relationship but I think, well,” Hermann takes a deep breath and puts his food aside, “without it, there’s a chance there would be no relationship at all.”

“I’m not exactly sure what you mean by that.”

“Well, the morning after I had been mulling over the possibility, the likelihood, of whether or not I’d see you again. Nothing personal, of course. No reflection on personality or performance, but as you know I’m only here until the summer and I didn’t want to become involved in any entanglements. By the time I had woken up, to be fair, I was fairly certain I still wanted to see you a few more times, as I told you. I just had assumed like most relationships, we’d stop seeing each other after a few dates.”

A feeling like molten lead settles in Newt’s stomach. It shouldn’t feel like this, because it’s not as though he had any bold aspirations for their relationship that day, but it still hurts to know how Hermann had felt then. For his part, he was pretty certain he’d have done it again regardless.

“And then,” Hermann continues. “I saw you watching the news and I was able to see your brightness and your passion in action. You wanted not just to watch what was occurring, but to understand it, the creature, the actions taken, and I felt you were a kindred spirit. Someone who could understand me, even if we were very different people. I knew the things that I had told you, only half believing them, were fully true. I wanted a relationship with you, not just a few dates or some very enjoyable nights.”

Despite the feeling of a few moments prior, Newt finds himself smiling. “That’s very romantic of you, Hermann.”

“Plus,” Hermann says, reaching out to run a hand through Newt’s hair. “You have incredibly attractive hair and I hadn’t realized until I saw your bedhead.”

Newt puts his food aside and shuts his laptop before leaning in and all but falling against Hermann. 

“I like your bedhead, too,” Newt states.

“It’s not the most appealing look, but I’m glad you enjoy it. The jumper is a bit large on you, darling. I can’t even see your hands.”

“That’s the point, Herms. It means my hands are warm.”

“If you’re cold, why are you wearing boxers?”

“In case i decide to seduce you later,” Newt says plainly. “Is that a problem?”

“Your boxers are advertising cheap American beer. I think you’re going to have to try harder at seduction.”

Taking this as a challenge, Newt moves again, this time so he’s straddling Hermann on the couch. Hermann grins with delight as he places his hands on Newt’s hips. In that moment, it becomes acutely aware to Newt that this is exactly what Hermann wanted him to do by teasing him, and that’s more than alright. He cups Hermann’s face in his hands and kisses him, hard and eager. Rather than moving to remove any clothing, Hermann slides a hand up the bottom of his boxers, feeling along the delicate skin of Newt’s inner thigh. He won’t comment to break the peace, but Newt knows damn well his fingers repeatedly skirt over the spot where his initials are tattooed. It’s a bit ticklish, and he shifts in Hermann’s lap, making them both groan at the friction.

Hermann moves his focus to kissing along Newt’s jaw, then nipping at his earlobe as Newt’s hands settle on Hermann’s chest. In that moment Newt is alarmingly aware of the fact that Hermann is right and the sweater is definitely too long in the arms. He’s determined to make some comment on that fact, to give Hermann the gratification of being right (because that seems like suitable foreplay) when he hears something of interest on the telly.

Falling backwards ungracefully, Newt only avoids hitting himself on the coffee table because Hermann manages to catch him. He scrambles for the remote, turning up the volume as he turns his attention to the television.

“Well, fuck me,” Newt mutters. “They think they’re aliens.”

Once he’s certain that Newt will not fall in the position he is, Hermann gently shifts so they can both sit on the couch and watch the television. 

 

After that night, Newt is officially obsessed with everything to do with the kaiju. He talks about them with his passengers. He talks about them in bed at night. The blissful day he finally gets his hands on a sample of Trespasser is definitely in the top five days of his life. (When he tells this to Hermann he makes a point to say that meeting him was definitely the best day of his life, but internally he’s certain those two instances are tied.) Just a tiny sample of what appears to be a spleen satisfies and awakens so many curiosities.

Between the actual job, school, the side job, and his romantic life, he really doesn’t have the time for an additional interest, but he indulges anyway. He’s joined some conspiracy theory groups just to dispel all of the less plausible ones and reads any information he can on the attacks. It’s an obsession and it takes up probably too much of his headspace.

“Newton,” Hermann says, one night as they’re driving, “you’ve mentioned the monst-kaiju attacks to the first five passengers this evening. Not everyone wants to discuss tragedy with you.”

“Sorry, I’m just trying to pick people’s brains, you know?” Newt knows this is getting to be too much. He can’t bring himself to stop. Or to care.

“Yes, I understand. But it’s been over a month and I don’t think I’ve had a single conversation with you that isn’t about the kaijus as well. I understand this is...important to you. As a biologist. I just worry you are not seeing what’s occurred for what it is.”

“If we understand them, it’s easier to take them down,” Newt states. “I’m in a position where, if I’m given the right resources, I can help. I’m trying to get myself in a position where I can do that.”

“Don’t you understand that we don’t have anything that has the capacity to kill them without also killing us?” Hermann snaps. “It’s all well and good to think they’re interesting, but they’re terrifying and we have to be prepared for another attack and the way you talk it seems like you’re almost...looking forward to one.”

“I’m not. Dude, I’m not.” Newt stares ahead at the red light in front of them. He’s not, right? He’s definitely not looking forward to the death or destruction, but maybe to have a new shiny thing to interest him. That seems just as bad.

“Honestly, Newton, I’d just like to have a night out where everything feels normal. Just once, and then you can talk about them whenever and however you want.”

Newt glances over to Hermann. He’s only got about two months now until Hermann returns to Germany and the future definitely feels uncertain in more ways than one. The confidence that he’d felt that this thing would last is slipping by the moment. Their relationship is too tumultuous at times and they’re both too determined to forge their own distinct paths. He certainly doesn’t want Hermann to hold him back and he doesn’t want to hold Hermann back.

“I have spring break next week, maybe we could get away for a few days,” he offers.

“I can’t. My research,” Hermann answers. “We’re getting very close to the end now and I cannot afford to miss any days.”

“Oh. Alright.” Newt swallows hard and is saved by saying anything further on the subject when his phone alerts him that they need to pick up a passenger. 

Only a few minutes later, they’ve carefully got the young couple, decked completely in green, in the backseat of the car. While it’s a Monday and Newt normally would not drive Monday evenings, it’s also St. Patrick’s Day and riders are both amusingly drunk and generous with their tips.

He’s about to ask his token question about the kaiju attacks when he’s stopped. Not, of course, by his better sense, or for Hermann’s sake, but by the young gentleman vomiting green beer in the backseat of his car. Newt sits paralyzed and wide eyed, staring ahead as he drives. The girlfriend seems a bit more in control and shoots him apologetic glances, but there’s nothing that can be done.

“Uhh,” he comments at length. “So you guys are going to another bar, but I’m not going to do that, so if you can give me his home address, I’ll take him home.”

“Not cool, dude,” the man in the backseat says with a groan, but his companion eagerly gives out an alternate address.

Maybe it’s time he stops doing this awful rideshare thing.

 

In early April they’re given a deadline. Technically, Hermann’s given a deadline but it feels like one for both of them. He’s to fly home at the end of May. This is partially because his research will be completed by then and partially because his father has requested his presence at home. Despite the insistence that he is, in fact, twenty five years old, financially independent, and can do as he chooses, Hermann does not dare disagree with his father. Despite the eagerness to be together, it’s difficult to find the time. The end of the semester is always a busy time for Newt as well as his students and Hermann’s scrambling to finish his research and writing. 

One night, Hermann’s research partner invites him over for dinner and insists that he brings Newt. For his part, Newt is more or less surprised that Hermann has mentioned him enough to leave any sort of impression, but he’s pleased with this nonetheless. When they spoke about it in the fall, it was apparent that no one knew anything about him.

Dr. Lawry is a tall man with broad shoulders. He lives alone with two dogs in a very, very nice apartment and Newt for a moment imagines what his life could be like if he wasn’t continuously chasing PhDs or focusing on molding the minds of undergraduate students. Truthfully, he’s sure he’ll go into something that will pay very, very poorly because it’s how his luck always shakes out.

“You’re not exactly what I expected,” Dr. Lawry says, when Hermann’s excused himself to use the restroom. “I had imagined another sweater vest sort, given that he told me repeatedly that your name was Newton.”

“It is. Only he calls me Newton. Literally only him and authority figures.” Newt is in the process of feeding both of the dogs food under the table.

“Oh, that’s a bit odd.”

“With Herms, I’m just assuming it’s basically a pet name. So what else has he told you about me?”

“He likes to talk up how smart you are, that he’s dating a prodigy. But he also said you’re very funny, which I had assumed knowing him it would be math puns funny.”

Newt laughs and leans across the table to pour himself a glass of wine. “No, I’m not math puns funny. Honestly much more in the category of using chopsticks to pretend they’re walrus tusks funny.”

Dr. Lawry snorts with laughter and Hermann re-enters then, looking between the two of them suspiciously.

“Whatever Newton is telling you about me is probably false,” he says, gracefully sliding back into his vacated seat.

“You have a very lovely boyfriend, Gottlieb, and I’m sorry you’ve been keeping him hidden all these months,” Lawry declares, winking at Newt.

“Very lovely, Herms. Did you hear that? I don’t think I’ve been called very lovely in my life,” Newt teases.

They stay until late, laughing and talking about Hermann’s research. For all his intelligence, Newt still can’t quite understand what it is Hermann does and knows, because it seems like so many things distilled into one single art. He hopes his own knowledge base seems this streamlined to Hermann, but he has his doubts. His passions will always be a mess, scattered about his life and his living spaces.

Eventually, as a strange role reversal, they both climb into the back of a Lyft back to Hermann’s apartment. They’re both just drunk enough that the world seems fuzzy and bright and being in love seems like the greatest triumph in the world. Newt hates that things have not been this easy or happy for them for some time, he hates that he can’t magically fix the things that he’s certain are wrong with him to fix this.

“I love you,” Newt says, once they’re safe and warm under the covers. They’re sharing, between the two of them, one set of Hermann’s pajamas- Newt has the top and Hermann the bottoms.

Hermann pulls him just a bit closer and kisses the top of his head. “I love you, too. We don’t say that nearly often enough, I suppose.”

“You don’t seem like the type who says it often, if I’m being honest, so I don’t say it as much as I want to.”

“That’s no reason.”

“I really don’t mind, we don’t have to be that couple.”

“We could say it in our native German and be  _ that  _ couple,” Hermann jokes. “Actually, that’s probably what everyone thinks I do. I only say nice things to you in foreign languages.”

“I like Dr. Lawry. He seems nice. A good research partner.”

“It’s been a good process, yes. But I’m certain he’ll be glad to be rid of me in a few weeks.”

“I can’t imagine you being annoying to someone,” Newt defends. It’s hard to imagine because it’s all too easy to imagine himself as being annoying to someone in the workplace. With his love of loud music, tendency to talk aloud, and general enthusiasm for his work, he’s bound to be a nightmare to share labspace with. Hermann must be almost the exact opposite to work with. Maybe one day he’ll have the pleasure.

“He has a vacation home,” Hermann observes, “by the beach. As a present for finishing, he’s offered it to me for a weekend before I leave. If you’ll join me, that is.”

“My thesis is due in a few weeks, but I should have time in mid-May when I won’t be grading finals. Isn’t it a bit cold for the beach?”

“I think the point is that we can have that little getaway you had tried to take me on about a month ago.”

“Ah, a weekend long sex romp,” Newt teases, placing a kiss to Hermann’s chest. “Before we’re deprived of it for a good long while.”

Hermann doesn’t answer that, but Newt can tell he’s still awake, staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. They don’t talk about the after of Hermann’s departure anymore, which makes it seem more final than it should be.

 

Despite the fact that the water is still very cold, Newt insists that if they’re staying at a beach house, they actually spend time on the beach itself. Hermann’s interpretation of beach time is sitting in swim trunks and one of Newt’s oversized t-shirts and reading and that’s fine with him. For Newt, though, this means running in and out of the too cold water and back up to Hermann to cover him with kisses, as though they are payment for the pleasures of the day. It doesn’t make for a very productive reading session and eventually he convinces Newt to stay on the beach.

“Do you know there’s a lot of great white sharks in this area?” Newt begins as he idly digs in the sand.

“I have heard this, yes,” Hermann answers, looking up from his book.

“It’s crazy how much of our fears stem from the ocean. When we’re usually so far, or it’s so easy to avoid.”

“We had agreed not to say the k word while we’re here, just remember that.”

“I’m not saying it. I’m just saying, it’s sort of a worst fear for humanity when something comes out of the ocean and can attack you when you’re safe on land. That’s some really fucked up shit there.”

“A very articulate descriptor, yes.” Hermann’s smiling anyway. “Would you like me to read to you so you stop thinking about the terrifying things in the ocean?”

“What are you reading?”

Hermann looks bashful for a moment. “Poetry. I needed a break from the science.”

Newt settles down on their oversize beach blanket, laying his head down on Hermann’s stomach. “No, poetry sounds fantastic. But it better not be sexy poetry, because I will not be able to refrain from trying to get into your pants.”

“It is not sexy poetry. It’s Anne Carson. My sister recommended her to me.”

“Well, read away.” Newt closes his eyes. In truth, he’d probably literally listen to Hermann read just about anything. Some people may find his tone a bit dry and his accent a bit stuffy, but it’s become like music to Newt and he could listen to it for hours on end. So he does.

They only return from the beach when the sun is down (after a romantic walk where Newt insisted on collecting shells) and the air has become too chilly. Newt rubs his hands on Hermann’s arms, frowning at him.

“You’re very cold, babe. You should have told me to come inside.”

“I’ll be fine,” Hermann says before shuffling into their room.

“I’m just surprised you didn’t immediately complain about being cold. You suffered through all that, just for me,” Newt calls after him.

When Hermann returns, he’s in his pajama bottoms and the sweatshirt Newt had given him for Christmas. It’s one of those images that makes Newt’s chest feel far, far too tight. He’s also suddenly acutely aware of just how cold it is as he stands there in his rather small swim trunks. When he’s changed into his own clothing (boxer shorts and a hoodie) they make tea and a light dinner together, which they eat standing by the kitchen counter.

“I can tell you don’t get much sun usually, Newton,” Hermann observes. “You suddenly have more freckles.”

“Yeah, yeah. In the summer growing up I used to have a whole bunch, because I was always running around. But living in Boston and working year round sort of keeps that from happening.”

“I like them. I’ve always liked them, on your face and your arms and your back.”

“Then I’ve got a perfect plan for you. Let’s crack open a bottle of wine and you can spend the rest of your night counting them.”

“That might take a very, very long time, dearest.”

“Mhm. That’s the point.”

It only takes about half an hour until Newt is suddenly regretting that he’s told Hermann he could take as long as he could for the venture, because he wants him then and there.

 

After their weekend away, Newt drives them both back to Boston. They both sit awkwardly parked outside of Hermann’s apartment, but Hermann doesn’t make to move, instead he stares down at his hands in his lap.

“I know early on in our relationship we had discussed what we would do when it was time for me to return to Europe,” Hermann begins finally, “but I think it’s time we reopened that conversation.”

“Is this a conversation, Hermann?” Newt asks, trying not to sound accusatory. “Or have you made a decision for us without consulting me?”

Hermann sighs. “I don’t want to break up with you, and I don’t want you to spend the next week before I have to leave angry at me.”

“I really don’t think long distance is the worst thing in the world. I’m only going to go for one more degree, then we can talk about where we’d want to live. It can be anywhere.”

“Then maybe that’s a conversation we should save for then, Newton,” Hermann declares. “When we’re both at the end of our studies and able to be in the same place for more than a few days. You know how stressful these past months have been for both of us, and as we saw each other less, we disagreed more and more.”

“We disagreed because I was an idiot half the time, that’s not the same.”

“I don’t want to grow to resent you. Or hate you.” Hermann frowns deeply. “I want to always remember you how you’ve been these past months.”

“Then stay,” Newt pleads, offering the one possibility they haven’t allowed themselves to discuss. “Stay here with me.”

“I can’t. That’s no more fair than me asking you to come with me, which I won’t, because your life is here and I know you’d be foolish enough to say yes.”

The truth of that stings. Of course he won’t follow Hermann without invitation but if Hermann had asked him to go anywhere in the world it’s highly likely he’d follow. Newt doesn’t understand fully, but he also feels deep down that maybe this is part of why they have to part.

“So you’re going to break up with me,” Newt says finally, because someone needs to say the words.

“I want to remain a part of your life, I want you to know that I want to leave this open ended, not final.”

Newt feels the tears start, but he quickly wipes them away. He really has been a fool in all of this. There was no reason to suspect this would end any way but this way. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them to be tied down with such a serious relationship at so young of an age.

“Do you want to- I mean are we done now? That’s a stupid question. You know what I mean.”

“I think a clean break is best, Newton. Because if we don’t give ourselves one, we’ll drag this on for years and years and never allow ourselves to grow.”

“Okay, yeah.” Newt nods. “That makes sense. If you can, just put my things in a box and I’ll get them before you move out.”

He stops to wipe his eyes again, but he refuses to let himself cry. 

 

The more mature thing would be to help Hermann prepare to leave or to check in on him, but instead he doesn’t reach out until the night before he’s set to leave. His arrival is unannounced, but Hermann lets him in nonetheless. The apartment still looks much the same, as Hermann is transferring his lease over to someone else who is very grateful for a furnished space. The only things that seem to be lacking are the things that Newt loves most.

“I thought I’d get my things,” Newt says, looking around the living room. “And offer a ride to the airport tomorrow, if you don’t have one.”

Hermann smiles, and it’s a soft and understanding smile. “Well, I was going to call for a Lyft, but I suppose it’s fitting if you take me to the airport. Have some tea while you’re here.”

They sit awkwardly at Hermann’s small kitchen table, drinking tea. Newt doesn’t say anything when Hermann takes his hand and rubs his thumb along the back, a reassuring gesture and one of familiarity.

“I was beginning to worry you wouldn’t say goodbye,” Hermann says at length, putting down his mug. “Not that I deserve it, but I was hoping for it all the same.”

“No, of course I’d come. I just- needed time. To process. And to give you space.”

“I understand fully, of course.”

Hermann leans forward, pressing his forehead against Newt’s. It was unfair of Newt to stay away, but he did it for his own sake. 

“I know you said we should have a clean break, Herms, and I respect that, but maybe we should, I don’t know, get some closure.”

“I suppose if it’s the last night, there’s no harm.”

They both stand and Newt leans awkwardly against the counter as Hermann washes their mugs, making sure everything is left in pristine condition. Only then does he stop to kiss Newt, very tenderly as he brings a hand up to cup his cheek.

Things do not stay tender or organized as they continue the kiss, shedding layers and politeness as they move towards the bedroom. By some miracle, they end up fully naked and not awkwardly half dressed on the bed. Hermann takes charge, kissing along every inch of Newt’s body he can reach, taking his time even in the hurried frenzy of the moment. Newt’s shaking with something between pleasure and longing and sorrow, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. The chance to have this one more time is a chance he’ll take again and again if he’s lucky to be offered it.

His own hands feel useless, like he’s afraid to touch lest he does something wrong and something breaks. Hasn’t he already broken the most important thing to him? He can’t afford any more accidents, but he doesn’t know how to prevent any of this. He still can’t, in the haze he’s in, figure out what he could have done for this not to fall apart. By the time Hermann pushes into him, forceful and eager, yet always tender and attentive, this act seems more one of self preservation than pleasure. This is something to remember, not to be savored in the moment. Eventually, his hands find their use in pulling Hermann closer. He’s tempted to wrap his legs around him, hold him as close as he possibly can, but he wants to make it clear that he’s always free to go. This is a choice he has made.

It’s only after Hermann’s wrapped a hand around his cock and started to stroke that Newt’s brought back to the pleasure of the moment. He can focus in those few moments between first touch and the release of orgasm of the joy and pleasure of being with this man. He’s lucky that he’s had this at all and he’s lucky that there’s the potential that he could have this again someday.

In the aftermath, Hermann all but collapses on top of him and they lay there for a few long moments, two sweaty and contented bodies alone in the room. In the world, it feels like in those moments.

There are three words Newt is dying to say, but he didn’t say them often enough when they mattered so there’s really no reason to say them now.

 

The next morning, Newt slips out of bed early to buy them both breakfast. He’s determined to give Hermann a proper send-off, even if he’s suddenly feeling very angry at him. It’s a valid emotion, but not one he wants to feel to Hermann’s face. After all, he has a lifetime to cope with the anger over Hermann leaving him when he’s so desperately in love with him.

They eat in companionable silence as Newt anxiously watches the clock. The flight is leaving in the early afternoon and Hermann, ever punctual, will want to leave soon. He cleans up their breakfast things and sorts through the items in the box Hermann has provided for him. There are definitely things he’s left behind that are not in the box, but he’s unsure if Hermann took them because he was no longer sure who they belonged to or for sentimental reasons. Either way, he doesn’t really mind.

The irony of the fact that the drive to the airport suddenly feels very short is not lost on him. He remembers very well picking Hermann up from the airport that first time and being grateful that he did not have to drive far. Now, he feels the urge to take him on a leisurely drive far, far away.

They make idle chat in the car, nothing of any real significance. They’ve already said, in their time together, anything that can be said without bringing pain. Maybe in time, they can learn to say the other things that need said as well. When Newt pulls the car over at departures, he takes a few steeling breaths before following Hermann out of the car. If they’re going to say goodbye, they’re going to do this right.

He helps Hermann with his bags and then stands awkwardly in front of him, only for a moment before pulling him into an embrace. It lingers for a long while, both hesitant to let go. They part only far enough for a kiss, a softened and delicate kiss that will never leave anyone satisfied but must suffice in that moment.

“I’ll stay in touch, Newton. Maybe we can write letters.”

Newt’s mouth quirks into a smile. “Very old fashioned of you. Is that what they’re doing in Europe these days?”

“It just seems more personal than texting.”

“I know. We can write letters. You can go first, you have my address.”

He’s sure it’ll be a short lived venture, and then the letters will stop coming and maybe they’ll stay in contact other ways or maybe Hermann will fade out of his life. He hopes that’s not true, but he has to prepare himself for every eventuality.

“I should go,” Hermann observes, grabbing his bags. “I’ll let you know when I’ve landed, okay?”

“Okay.” Newt smiles at him. “Good luck with...everything. With your life.”

“Good luck with your remaining PhDs. And your kaijus.”

“Listen, Herms, I’m gonna establish this now now. The plural is just kaiju.”

“Yes, Newton.” Hermann leans over to kiss his cheek, a final kiss of death to their relationship.

Newt watches until he can no longer see Hermann through the doors and then walks back to his car. He’ll allow himself to be sad for a few days, and then he’ll spend his summer teaching his summer class and driving tourists through the city. In time, the ache will get better and if he’s very fortunate, he’ll find someone else. Objectively, he knows this, but it doesn’t explain why he feels like it’s suddenly much more difficult to breathe. This will pass, he reminds himself. He’s not the type to let these feelings win.

As luck has it, only a few days later, another kaiju attacks Mexico and Newt is fairly certain he’s found his new specialty and lifelong passion. In time, he’ll either find his way back to Hermann or they’ll drift apart completely. For now, he has to focus on something that means something in the grander scheme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is now the time to mention that this is part 1 of a planned 3 part series?


End file.
